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The Fixer's Resignation

Listen to a friend's problem without offering a single piece of unsolicited advice.

How to complete The Fixer's Resignation

Many people, when a friend vents, jump straight to solutions, which can leave the friend feeling managed rather than heard. Holding back every fix forces you to actually listen, and often that presence is the thing they came for.

  1. Decide up front this is a listening conversation, not a problem to solve
  2. Replace advice with questions: 'How are you feeling about it?' or 'What's the hardest part?'
  3. Reflect back what you hear so they feel understood
  4. Sit with silences instead of filling them with suggestions
  5. If you genuinely want to help, ask 'Do you want advice or just to vent?' and respect the answer

Tips

  • Notice the urge to say 'you should' and swallow it; that's the whole exercise
  • 'That sounds really hard' does more work than any solution
  • Resist comparing it to your own story, it redirects focus back to you

What counts as done

A friend shared a problem and you got through the whole talk without offering a single unsolicited fix.

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