The Feedback Request

How to complete The Feedback Request

Asking someone you trust to tell you the truth about who you are, not just how you work, is one of the fastest ways to find blind spots. Most people never do it because unsolicited criticism stings, but solicited criticism from a person who wants you to succeed is a different, much more useful thing.

1. Choose one person who knows you well and has nothing to gain from flattering you: a mentor, a longtime colleague, a close friend.
2. Ask in advance and give them a few days to think, rather than springing it on them mid-conversation.
3. Pose specific questions: what is one thing I do that undermines me, where do I overestimate myself, what would you change about how I treat people.
4. During the conversation, only listen, ask clarifying questions, and take notes; do not explain, defend, or rebut anything.
5. Thank them explicitly, then pick one concrete point and act on it within a week.

Tips

• A vague 'any feedback for me?' gets politeness; a specific question gets truth.
• If your first instinct is to argue, write the rebuttal down privately instead of saying it.
• Following up later on what you changed makes them willing to be honest again.

What counts as done

You held the conversation, heard at least one genuinely uncomfortable observation, and can name what you did about it.